When you are at a presentation how are you listening?
- to confirm your expectations
- to confirm your own view
Some time ago I attended an Evening with Annie Leibovitz the iconic photographer. She shared stories about her latest book and her perspectives on celebrities, society and the changes she witnessed in her 50 years behind the camera. Despite her fame and influence, she was modest, moving and frank in her comments and responses to questions.
I was struck by how different she was from my expectations. And I wondered how this was impacting my quality of listening. And I noticed how the interviewer seemed to have her own view of how Annie should respond to the questions. So much so, that at times the interviewer seemed to dismiss, or talk over Annie, and to mould her response into what it should have been based on the interviewer’s own position.
This was a valuable experience for me as it helped me to reflect on what can go on in the office. The late Judith E. Glaser wrote about trust, neuroscience and creative collaboration in her book ‘Conversational Intelligence’. She describes the adjustments we can make to change the neurochemicals that affect our brain. These neurochemicals enable and disable our listening to others and our understanding of their meaning.
Judith spoke of approaching a conversation by being ‘open to influence’. At first, coming from the world of financial services where I was trained to have a view and argue my case against my colleagues, I thought that this was a weak position. My conversational style was, what Judith coined Level 11. It was positional and focused on an exchange of power, where I would advocate and enquire.
In its extreme, when you engage in this level of listening ,you can become “addicted to being right” and you tend to ask questions for which you already know the answers.
Now I have a better understanding of C-IQ and how my level of listening impacts others. I have an appreciation of how being open to influence means that I can:
– listen with greater curiosity.
– pay more attention to what the other person is saying
– not only focus on what confirms my position
– let go of rehearsing in my head what would be a clever rebuttal
– value the perspectives of people with different lived experiences
– incorporate their perspectives to broaden how I make sense of the world
What improves the quality of your listening?
Are you open to influence?
Perhaps the choices, decisions, beliefs and structures you have created impede how well you listen and, therefore, how well you connect, communicate and invite others to collaborate with you. If you are curious to learn what you could do differently and how to embed that in your leadership style send a note to sylvana@sylvanacaloni.com or call me on +44 (0) 7952 068133.
